I’m in love with my church brother

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and have two children, one aged 10 and the other 13. I am very active in my church.

Let me be frank with you. When I was pregnant with my second child, I became a Christian. The pastor spoke to the man who fathered my child and suggested that it would be nice if he married me. He told the pastor he did not want to marry a woman who would always have to go to church. He stayed with me and gave me all the support I needed during my pregnancy.

After I had the baby and continued attending church, he began to pull away. He got involved with another girl and started a relationship with her. I begged him not to leave me, but he said my church was too noisy and that he wanted to go to dances and clubs. I stayed strong in my faith. He has been a good father, giving me money every two weeks for his child.

I was appointed a missionary in my church and began attending Bible school. I recently graduated and was made an assistant pastor. Now I face a dilemma. There is a brother in the church, 24 years old, who loves me, and I love him too. He has proposed marriage. Some people in the church have noticed our closeness and asked me if we are lovers. One elder even suggested that I might have to step down from my position. When I asked if he was accusing me of being intimate with this young man, he said no, but reminded me that I am next to the pastor and people look up to me.

Nobody has approached the young man; they are only speaking to me. We have not done anything wrong. My love for this brother grows stronger every day. They say he is too young for me. How can a 24-year-old man be too young for a 40-year-old woman? He is not backing down.

My second child sees him as a second father. I have not spoken to my pastor about this, but I would not want him to tell me to break up the relationship. What do you think I should do?

D.

Dear D.,

You made a good decision when you became a Christian. The father of your child did not want a Christian partner, but you remained steadfast. He supported you during your pregnancy and continues to support his child, and now you have been faithful and active in your church. You have done well, and it seems you have now found love.

A 24-year-old man loves you and sees you as his wife. Some members of your church believe he is too young, but whether they are right or wrong, their opinions should not dictate your life.

As a mature woman, you may be able to guide him in areas where he needs help. It would also be wise to consider whether his mother approves, as mothers often protect their sons and sometimes make decisions they think are best, whether or not it aligns with reality.

Discuss this matter with your pastor and seek his guidance. I do not believe that marrying this young man would negatively affect your standing or relationships within the church. I wish you well in making the decision that is right for your heart and your family.

Pastor