Pregnant and ashamed to go back home

May 14, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I am Jamaican. I was living with my parents, but was forced to leave home because of the behaviour of my father. This man is a dictator. He doesn't want me to have a boyfriend. He always wants to choose for me. I have a sister, and it was the same thing. When my sister couldn't take it, she left. She is now married, and now my father loves her husband.

I had a boyfriend, who is from Puerto Rico. When I introduced him to my father, my father embarrassed him and told him that he must not come back to his house because he didn't have a permanent job and he smokes. My father told me that he smelt ganja on him. I work two jobs, and I try to help my boyfriend. I gave him some money, and I told my mother about it. My mother told my father and my father said to me: "If you can give this man money, you should begin to pay rent."

I told my mother that before I pay rent to my father, I prefer to leave and rent somewhere and live on my own. I knew my father was trying to punish me. My mother tried to discourage me, but I still left. Whatever has happened to me now, my father is to be blamed.

 

RETURN HOME

 

My boyfriend is doing odd jobs and he has moved in with me. That is not what we had planned. I have lost my main job, and I am now four months pregnant and my boyfriend is not paying me much attention. Everything I do now, he finds fault. My mother told me that I should come back home, but I am afraid of my father.

I love my father, but it is hard to return home and to face him. My father cannot say why he does not like my boyfriend. I know he thinks that my boyfriend is lazy. I would get rid of my boyfriend, but I am now carrying his child. When I realised I got pregnant, I thought of aborting it, but changed my mind.

My sister says that she would assist me with the rent, but she cannot do it every month. Do you think I should give up my place and go home? It looks as if I am a failure.

S.C.

Dear S.C.,

I would say give notice to your landlord and go home. Let your mother do all the groundwork. She knows how to deal with your father better than you. Your father loves you and that is why he was so tough on you. He didn't want to see you make the mistake of getting involved with someone who is jobless and penniless. Perhaps he did not express himself well to you. And whatever he said to you, you saw him as a dictator and you felt that you were old enough to have any man in your life.

You were fortunate to be living alone and not paying rent or making any contribution to the running of the home, so you left and went into a situation where you can turn your own key. Now having done so, this worthless boyfriend of yours is still doing odd jobs. He has not doubled his efforts in trying to get a permanent job, and unfortunately, you allowed him to get you pregnant. I am sure that was the last thing you wanted to happen to you. You made a mistake.

Tell your mother that you would like to come home and ask her to do the groundwork for you by discussing it with your daddy. I do believe that your father will be happy to welcome you home. Tell your boyfriend that you are going home and that he has to leave. Tell him that the load is too heavy for you to carry alone, but although you are going home, you expect him to play his part as you prepare to give birth.

Be prepared to tell your father that you are sorry for the harsh words that you might have said to him. Humble yourself, my dear. People make mistakes all the time. Take care of yourself.

Pastor

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